: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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