end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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