youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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