I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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