Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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