it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
