Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
