wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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