The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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