He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
