i barfeds in our rink
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
