i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
