That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
