Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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