Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
