Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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