So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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