So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
