I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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