Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's the barista slut.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
