this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am one with the molecules
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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