where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
