Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
