DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
