Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
