He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
