What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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