And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
