At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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