i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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