Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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