I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
