Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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