I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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