were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
