their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
