dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
