Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
