So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
