JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
