Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
