the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
