i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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