how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
