They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
