New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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