You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
