Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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