Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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