Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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