so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
