and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
