I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
