We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
