Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
