There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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