I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
