he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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