I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
