He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
