i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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