Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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