I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
