Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
