The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
