I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
