remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
