My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
