I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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